## Creating a Pattern Language | As The Crowe Flies | Episode 9

Vance Crowe [00:00:00] As the cold flies on the Vance Scroll podcast, Welcome back to the podcast. I'm glad you're here. On Fridays, I sit down to share some thoughts, philosophies, and concepts that can help you become a tangibly better communicator. And last week I used the term a pattern language. When I was describing the concept of shake the floor and shake the floor was a term I used to illustrate something you can do when you encounter somebody with strong feelings about a subject and you're struggling to get them to let you explain your point of view. So you tell them something so fascinating, a subject that captures their attention and, and catches them off guard that they relax their grip and they become willing to let you talk more about your subject. And the reason that I call that shake the floor is because you can imagine being in a situation where somebody is confronting you and instead of trying to push them back or to stand up to them, you just so thoroughly change the situation that it's as though the world has shaken a little bit. Now, the reason that I name tactics like that is because it allows us to create some shared meaning, a pattern language that we can use to apply to other circumstances in the future. It allows us to increase the bandwidth with which we are able to communicate with one another. And really when you think about it, this is something that you likely do all of the time with your, some of your closest friends with coworkers that you get along with particularly well with your family members.

Vance Crowe [00:01:33] We all have those secret codes. Maybe when you were younger, you had them to describe who your crush was, or you might use it to describe the people at work that are always getting in your way. Or maybe they're the metaphors that you use to encode meaning to say, this is like something else that we both know and understand. And pattern languages are really important. I think it is really fundamental to what it is to be human. We love being in our own culture because we share so many pattern languages. And the more that we can successfully understand the pattern languages of other people in our network, the the faster we're able to communicate and really the depth with which we are able to communicate goes way, way deeper. And I was thinking about this because it's what I'd like to build with you. I would like to try and name as many of the tactics and the lessons learned and the memes that I've picked up along the way and really that you've picked up along the way. Try and name them, describe them so that we can both get on board with the idea and then use this pattern language to be able to share high density information with one another. And then also when we go out into the regular world and we're not in this podcast land, that we have these tools at the ready to be able to use. And I was thinking about the times when pattern language went from me and one other friend to me and multiple friends, and that we were able to use an understanding to be able to convey some deep meaning that if we didn't have this pattern language, it would require lots of words or trying to say that it is like something else as opposed to naming a term and helping it to really deeply mean something.

Vance Crowe [00:03:22] And so I thought back to an experience that I had with somebody that podcast listeners have heard me mention many, many times before. It is a woman named Valerie Bayes. Val Bayes. Val and I worked together for five years and we were very good friends and excellent coworkers together. Val pushes me on a level that almost no other coworker I've ever had pushed me. She really deeply listens to everything that someone she works with says. She gives her honest and candid feedback. And sometimes it almost comes off as being naive because she is so direct with what she says about how she thinks so unvarnished that you think only a crazy person would be this direct and honest. But as you work with Val more and more, you realize the courage that she has to say exactly what she think actually gives her everything that she says, more weight. Because you know that if she says it, if she thinks it, she really means it. And once I was sitting in a meeting with a group of people, including Val, and I had actually personally selected every single person that was going to be involved in this project. And we were going through and we were talking about what kind of commitment we were going to be able to make to make this project be seen all the way through. And the, the details of the project are not important, but it was just a very small group of people and everyone was really being quite interested in what we were doing and they were making real commitments. And it seemed as though people really felt like what we were doing was important.

Vance Crowe [00:04:56] And I watched Val do something that I'll never forget. So she is as equally delighted as I am with the other 12 or so people that are gathered around in the table that are, that are committing their time and energy to this project. And we all know that feeling when you watch others rise to an occasion, they're doing something strong that you fully agree with, that you respect and you want them to know that you feel this way. But sometimes the words that you use can't reflect that admiration and that completeness that you feel about what another person has either committed to or has actually accomplished. And Val was in this meeting with me and she's experiencing this same thing. And she, she was talking about being moved by everyone's commitment, but she did something while she was talking about their commitment that struck me that really hit me right between the eyes. And it was that she pounded two times on her chest and it was like the end of a sentence. It was the end of a statement and, and she was just saying, Hey, I love what you guys are doing and I really support it and I'm excited and I am fully committed as well. She taps on her chest and let that tap be all of the meaning that she needed. And it was the perfect signal right at the exact right moment and nothing else needed to be said. And I think the group just kind of sort of adjourned and left the meeting everybody feeling confident.

Vance Crowe [00:06:27] And later I was talking with somebody from the meeting and they mentioned that they had observed this pound, pound the same way that I did. And that they had had a chill go all the way through their body because it meant so much to them. They also took away the same meaning. And so I went home that night and I tried to capture that emotion and the meaning of that gesture in my journal, which is, you know, at like, I always talk about the value of journal, even just taking a feeling or a sensation and writing it down allows you to work through and crystallize ideas that you might not be able to otherwise. And so as I'm writing this down, I used the, the symbol of the hashtag to describe that she pounded on her chest. So it was like pound, pound. And that's what I signaled myself in in the journal. And it was just a note to myself so that that way I wouldn't forget it. And then a few days later I was in a different meeting with Val and I was watching her stand up for something she believed in. She was with a totally different group of people. There was, it had nothing to do with the original meeting we were in, but she was doing what she always does. She spoke up and she said things that are not easy to say, but they're necessary. And so as close friends, you know, I can see that she looks out of the corner of our eye to me to see what I think. And I found myself intrinsically not even thinking about it, doing two pounds on the table silently, nothing, nothing too big. But it was a signal to Val that I completely agree, I fully support.

Vance Crowe [00:08:02] I feel like what you are doing is strong and I respect what you're doing. And she looked back at me with this knowing glance as though we talked about pound pound before, but we hadn't. It was just a shared meaning. It was a pattern language. And it wasn't long after that that that pound pound started showing up in messages that we would exchange with one another, with emails, with notes. When we were asking for somebody's thoughts or feedback on how we were working on something, if I presented a presentation to her and asked her for her opinion, she could give me all sorts of negative feedback. But if she just wanted to signal this is strong, I fully agree with it, I respect what you're doing, this is a hundred percent. There is nothing higher than pound pound. We both agree. And shortly after that, it wasn't just Val and I that were using this terminology, this symbol, Fred Perla, who you've heard me mention before, he started doing it as well. Other people like Rob Long also started using this. And it began to be a symbol that allowed you to understand there's nothing else that needs to be said. I fully agree and I commit to what you're doing. I respect what you think or how you are handling yourself. And I've thought about sharing this symbol with you for a long time because that symbol, that pattern language that I have has deep meaning with the people in my network. And the meaning is held up.

Vance Crowe [00:09:35] It is continued on forward because we are so very careful about when we give that pound, pound symbol out. It is at those moments when the other person is looking for approval and they don't need a lot of words, they just need to know, are you with me or do I need to change something? But as I thought about it and I realized that you are making a commitment to me by tuning in every week and giving me the most precious, most valuable thing that you own, which is your attention, that I would share with you this symbol that I think of as so deeply important. And I want us to start using it. I want us to know that it is a symbol that means something deep to us and it allows us to communicate that concept of what you are doing is strong, it is worthy of respect. I fully agree with it and I support you. And I think that that sort of pattern language can go a long way. It can help us help each other push each other to go as far as we can because it's those moments when you're looking around and you need your friends to have a shared experience with you. You can reach into your pattern language and you can use this foundational thing of pound pound, which I signify in my notes and letters in emails as the hashtag hashtag symbol just to write in a row. So this week I want you to start thinking about pattern languages. It's really important to me that you start helping me see what patterns you have found out in the world that help you navigate and become a better communicator.

Vance Crowe [00:11:14] And as we continue these, as the Crow flies episodes, I'm gonna continue to create names of concepts and their definitions and that will allow us to stack together and build a pattern language that is ours uniquely. And I am so grateful that you are here that I will promise that I will continue to put time and real energy into establishing the best pattern language, the one that allows us to communicate the deepest concepts for the longest, the ones that will help us the most this week. If you want a journal prompt, something that you can think through, it's try and remember a pattern language that you have with somebody else, a term that you share with somebody else that helps you understand how to handle different subjects. It could be anything from the shake the floor to the pound pound symbol, but what is one that you have with another person or another group of people? And try and write it all the way out. And it will help you think about this concept so that you can crystallize the idea, build it, make it better. And then when the time is right, I'd love for you to share it with me and the rest of the, as the crow flies. So thank you so much for tuning in. If you are looking for somebody interesting to follow on Twitter, I always love it. If you reach out to me, I am at Vance Crowe, but there's also really a lot of other people out there. And I'm always looking to connect the network to people that you might not find otherwise. And there is a vegetable farmer, first generation out in Washington state that I think is worth following.

Vance Crowe [00:12:49] Her name is Rosea Mosby, and that is R-O-S-E-L-L-A, Mosby, M-O-S-B-Y. I find her to be one of those supporters, A, collect the dots and connect the dots, and she's always putting out positive reinforcement sharing things that I'm working on, being supportive of people like my friend Dwayne Faber d Faber 84. And I wanna make sure that you are connected to people like her that are connectors, that are doers, that are builders, that are forging their own path. So go on Twitter if you're looking for new and interesting people and follow Rosea Mosby and tell her you heard about it on the Vance Crow podcast. She's been a great listener and a big supporter of the program. And so I'd love for other listeners to get to know her and to share things. So without further ado, I'm gonna sign off for this week. Thank you so much for joining, and we'll be back next Wednesday with an interview with an expert and an episode on Friday for another as the crow flies.